Sometimes I just plain get pissed because it seems that men have a special gene that is marked ‘unwavering confidence’ that somehow we got the short end of.
Of course, I’m not going to blame genetics, the structure of our brain, or even our society or upbringing. What’s the use in doing that at this point.
We are all too busy to wallow. Plus, it’s a huge waste of energy.
We have to work with where we’re at – not the past – and start building up our confidence ASAP.
So how can we build up confidence while building our businesses and dream lives?
Creating a business can often challenge our confidence on a daily (or hourly) basis so what’s a girl to do?
We’re going to start this series by looking at some of the nasty habits that dampen our confidence.
So, here we go… Part 1 in our series:
1 | Clean Up Your Stories
The stories that are set on constant repeat often get much louder when we’re doing something outside our comfort zone.
Have you stopped to really review the stories you tell yourself? The ones that conclude that you’re not smart enough, or worthy enough, or charismatic enough to do whatever it is that you know in your heart you want to do.
Pull out your most infamous stories. You don’t need to go into where these stories come from or why they’re stuck on repeat.
Simply notice them and then begin to question “What if…”.
What if the stories in my head had different outcomes, a different tone, were all love stories and happy endings? Draw on your inner Disney and rewrite those dark stories into brilliant fairy tales. Tell better stories.
“Who are we but the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and believe?” ― Scott Turow
2| Use Empowering Language
Watch out when you’re speaking and writing that you don’t lean on dis-empowering words.
The most obvious are filler words such as “just”, “kind of” and “actually”.
Do you use these types of statements. “I was just curious if…. “ or “I just wanted to touch base”.
Using “just” in this manner sounds like you’re apologizing for whatever it is you are doing. Remove the “just” and watch your words sound more confident.
Other words that sound weak are “kind of” ( “I was kind of wondering if we should..”) and “actually” (“Actually I was thinking that I could run for office…”).
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.”
― Henry Ford
3 | Stop Apologizing for Being In the Room
Most of us are guilty of this from time to time. Apologizing for taking up space. We squish ourselves into a seat or a corner or give up our space altogether to make room for others. It isn’t about being kind it’s typically because we don’t feel worthy of taking up room.
Similarly if we accidentally bump into someone’s arm at an event we flail about apologizing as though we spilled a glass of red wine on the Queen of England. Sometimes we don’t even know how to stop. We layer apologies on top of apologies in rapid fire succession. Making ourselves in the process appear smaller and less important.
I have friends who apologize regularly (for nothing in particular) and usually when they do it’s at least 2-3 “I’m sorry’s” quickly stated in a row with down-turned eyes. I think for them it has also become a nasty habit. As I’ve taught my son “one sorry is enough”.
When you’re overly apologetic for just being in a space, you are defusing your own power. You are telling the world that you aren’t worthy, you aren’t equal to others, that everyone else should be taken care of first. I’m not saying you have to become an a-hole but please, for the love of all that’s holy, please apologize when it makes sense to do so.
Once you stop overly apologizing you will feel a new sense of internal empowerment and that internal confidence will spill forth into outer confidence as well.
“You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life is the result of your own making.” ― Stephen Richards
4 | Discover & Accentuate Your Super Powers
We all have superpowers but we often dismiss them in favoring of improving our weaknesses.
Our strengths come easily to us and we often discount them as a result. We say things like: “But it comes so naturally!”
Why yes, yes they do! And, that’s why we need to accentuate them as much as possible (and stop focusing all our attention on improving our weaknesses).
Take a moment and ask yourself, “What do most people complement me on?”. Or better yet, survey a few supportive friends or past clients and ask them what qualities stand out most.
You might be surprised to hear that your superpower is that you’re a great listener or that you are super intuitive when solving a problem. Whatever it may be, make sure to revel in it and use it more frequently. Doing what comes naturally is your gift to the world. Don’t dismiss it because it also comes easily to you. It’s suppose to.
Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses. ― Marilyn vos Savant
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