I have always been an A student (what a way to start a post – yikes).
I relished in this fact since I was small. I’ll never forget the truly horrible day in 5th grade when I got a C on a math test (gasp!) because I simply raced to be the first one done. Speed over quality didn’t win out that day.
I will also admit I love the praise, but who doesn’t? The pats on the back, the “great jobs” and of course the gold stars. I worked more for the good grade than actual long-term comprehension – although that was added bonus.
Of course all it takes to get gold stars is to memorize, regurgitate, be a good girl, work hard, put more time in than your peers, play by the rules, and be as “likeable” as possible and you’re there.
But as I’ve gotten older (and wiser) and when gold stars aren’t given out anymore where does one turn?
In business, for those of us who suffer from Gold Star Syndrome as I have, we seek it through praise, the number of likes on FB, retweets, opt-ins, open rates and page views. We hold our breath as we view our analytics and it can make or break our day if things don’t look as we had hoped.
Let’s face it, as a business owner you can’t chase the things that will appeal to everyone. You cannot make everyone happy or even get them to like you. You can’t be vanilla and think you’ll gain a following. You can’t play it down the middle, or safe, or refrain from ruffling feathers, and gain real fans.
Image may be NSFW.
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You also can’t write, create, and market to your mentors, advisors, those you admire, your competition or your friends. You will not – will not! – appeal to everyone and at the end of the day you cannot work towards the hope of receiving a gold star for your valiant efforts.
No more gold stars for you!
All you can do is this…..
- Speak your mind genuinely and with integrity. Always.
- Do in your heart what you want to do and serve the few (which still can be a lot!) that you want to serve. Stop trying to serve everyone… it’s just not possible. Even Apple and Oprah can’t pull that off.
- Speak to your tribe directly using everyday language. The tone may be snarky/sarcastic or calm/nurturing or professional/to-the-point… whatever makes sense, speak to them using the language and tone that reflects both YOU and your audience.
- Ask your tribe what they want/need (and will pay for) and do your best to give it to them. When it misses the mark know that it is ok because you can make changes and make it better.
When you get a criticism – thank them for their input and then get back to work.
When you get praise – thank them for their input and then get back to work.
- Create for them … and for yourself. Not only create things for your ideal audience but make sure you create things you want to create. If you don’t, the process will be arduous and feel like “work”.
- Feedback (criticism and praise) isn’t a reflection on you. This may shock you but consider this: It is more a reflection on the person providing the feedback – their opinions, their perspective, their experience, and their likes/dislikes. It isn’t you. It’s them. It’s all just useful data that can help improve a product or offering but it doesn’t define WHO you are. (Thanks to Tara Mohr for that brilliant nugget of wisdom from her book Playing Big).
- Be You… All of you. You don’t have to share your every secret or facet of your life, but do not hold back from infusing more of you into your business. For instance, Cortney and I have many different interests and passions.
Early on with LearnSavvy we quieted those quirky, interesting aspects of our personalities and pushed them to the background thinking that we would turn off some women, investors, partners, and so on.
Again playing vanilla (and frankly pretty boring).
Hey, we thought, we’re much more interesting than we initially let on. Image may be NSFW.
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We’re going to put it out there now.
We are total business and we love our woo woo side. We have our serious biz side and our professional attire ready at a moment’s notice for a big meeting but we also have a deep passion for Eastern medicine, spirituality, angel cards, Feng Shui, yoga, meditation and the occasional psychic (several of these things we’re licensed, certified and practitioners of, in fact). Behind the scenes we talk about it and only bring it into the light of our blog from time to time. We’re going to take our own advice and infuse more of US into our business and we hope you do too.
Now… on to three resources we think might help you remedy seeking approval.
Three Resources to Help You Get Over “Gold-Star Syndrome”:
- Watch: Brene Brown’s 99U Talk
2. Read: Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead by Tara Mohr
Image may be NSFW.
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3. Buy: Give yourself your own damn Gold Stars. You don’t have to seek the approval of others to litter your desk with gorgeous gold stars… give them to yourself for accomplishing milestones, hitting your weekly or even daily goals.
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Gold Stars available at PaperSource
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