At one time or another, we have all been guilty of pulling up a site of a competitor or someone we wildly admire and think, “If only!”
If only I had a gorgeously polished website.
If only I could do videos that are as stylish as the ones she produces.
If only I had Oprah and Ariana Huffington providing testimonials.
If only I could afford a team of professionals supporting me.
If only!
It’s exhausting and demoralizing on so many levels.
The thing is we often find ourselves in a spiral of despair when we look at where we are at this moment and compare it to someone at the top of her game. It is like comparing apples to volleyballs. There really is no comparison. They might both be relatively round and you can give them a good toss at someone’s head, but the comparisons stop there.
Here is a reality check so you can jump off the rollercoaster of despair and the carousel of comparison and get back to focusing on what matters most – you and your business.
Story 1: They came out of nowhere. They must be an overnight success.
There is no such thing as overnight success. The person you’re admiring may be an overnight success to you having only seen her explode in recents months or years, but most entrepreneurs have been hustling for many years. They often have had several iterations of their business and have been building up their followers over time. There is that tipping point where their star seems so bright and they are everywhere you turn. But it’s typically after years of hard work in anonymity.
Success takes time. It’s organic. It’s thoughtful and intentional. You will change directions and pivot and scrap some things and opt for executing on other ideas. That’s all part of the journey.
Story 2: They do it all themselves.
Yes, you may see images of the lone entrepreneur sitting at a cafe looking stylish and rested sipping her cappuccino. These carefully crafted pictures on their site give you the impression she is running her entire empire from the corner cafe with a simple notepad and computer. The truth is she has a huge team behind her making all the cogs move just so. When we see guru types really killing it, the ones with hundreds of thousands of followers, trust me, they have a full staff of amazing people making stuff happen.
Know that success takes a team. Even if you’re running solo now, know that one day you can hire and delegate out some of your work.
Story 3: They’ve had all the right coaches.
Buying a $10K program (or even a $2k program) isn’t the end all be all. There are plenty of amazing programs and coaches out there but don’t think that is the ultimate solution. Many of these folks have made investments and they’re happy to prove that expensive investments payoffs: “Had I not participated in that $50K mastermind I wouldn’t be where I am today. You need to invest in yourself too – here, buy my program.”
If you’re thinking of hiring a coach or doing a program, make sure you think it through. Be savvy and do your research. Talk to other people, take your time to make sure it’s a right fit and make sure it makes sense for your business and your pocketbook. Don’t be pressured to buy anything because someone says “it’s filling up fast”.
Programs and coaches can be invaluable but think it through before making the leap.
Story 4: Everything they do turns to glittery gold
Oh please! Not everything they’ve done has been a huge hit. Not every Madonna song hit platinum. These are real people we’re talking about and sometimes they hit gold and other times they have flops.
Also for those folks selling books, there is a whole system that guru types teach to get you to the top of the New York Times best seller list or #1 on Amazon. These days, people can orchestrate their way onto best seller lists with savvy campaigns and giving books away for free.
They’re everyday people like you and me. They have had their missteps and flops just like everyone else.
Story 5: They’re so well-connected
On the sites of many uber successful entrepreneurs you might see other big names providing testimonials. They might get the super stars of the industry to do their tele summits and webinars. While you sit in your cramped home office and think “If only I could land ___, that would change everything.” Maybe it would but maybe it wouldn’t.
There are so many people right not selling strategies on how to attract big names and make those relationships. Many are rather distasteful and frankly feel phony.
You don’t need a superstar name to make your business soar. If you want to authentically reach out to a few people you admire in a real way, then go for it. If you want to build your tribe in other ways, building relationships with others over time, then go for that. Again, it’s what you want to build.
Connect with people that you want to work with. Connect with them in a way that feels authentic to you.
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It is easy to get swept up in watching what others are doing and thinking a) they are so far ahead how can I possibly catch up, or b) they have it nailed, how can I possibly compete, or c) if only I had XYZ like them, then I would be a success.
It pains me when I see my fellow female entrepreneurs spiral into a dark place and come close to giving up on their dreams because they’ve focused too much attention on other peoples’ successes.
I implore you to stop with the comparison-itis. If you have to remove yourself from email lists or stop following certain people on Twitter, I highly suggest doing this for a while until you can get control of yourself.
Focus on where you’re going and not where others have been.
Now, back to doing the great work that this world needs from you!
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